Power of Thrust #893: If anyone disagrees with you on anything call them a hater. Its a lot easier then arguing a valid point.

Dee Schnieder of Twister Sister in his second career as basketball star.

Dee Schnieder of Twister Sister in his second career as basketball star.


With the intense NBA playoffs going on there’s a lot of Haterade going around. Laker fans with Kobe Bryant. Magic fans with Dwight Howard. My ex-girlfriend with our alleged love child.

This all got us to thinking, who is the most hated sports team? Not the ones we hate but the ones everyone hates. It most certainly depends on each person and somewhat geographically but we all reserve the right to hate any team, anywhere, any time for any reason. And we do. Here’s why:

10. Any Hockey Team
Ok, maybe hate is a strong word. Most people don’t hate hockey. They just hate waiting through hockey highlights for the good parts on Sportscenter. Most people can’t name more than 3 hockey teams: The Pittsburgh Penguins, the New York Rangers, the Detroit Pistons…the…uh…make that more than two. Hockey fans are passionate. Non-hockey fans are passionate in their belief that skating is best left to Chinese girls and gay men.

9. USA sports
Face it, everyone hates the U.S. What, since we constantly brag about things like, freedom, indoor plumbing, ice in our drinks, 24 hour electricity, having a God that doesn’t require public floggings of women, Ashton Kutcher. Its no wonder they hate us. I almost hate us because of Ashton Kutcher.

As far as sheer number of haters USA sports is probably in the lead with about a billion haters. Which we could dispose of with approximately 7 nuclear bombs. At which point all the haters would come out crying “you just killed a billion people wah wah wah.”

8. Raiders Fans
They pride themselves on being the guy who threw up on your girlfriend, then picked a fight with you, then stole your car, then stole KISS’s stage outfits from the 70’s.

1970's supergroup or Raiders fans. Its hard to tell.

1970's supergroup or Raiders fans. Its hard to tell.

7. Duke basketball
A victim of their incredible Final 4 success (10 in 19 years). Also a victim of pretty white-boy Christian Laettner. No one likes pretty white boys. Except pretty Asian-American girls.

6. SEC football (Southeastern Conference)
Haters outside the SEC think they’re overrated. The SEC thinks college football is divided into three divisions: the SEC East, the SEC west, and the SEC Bitch To Be Named Later in the BCS championship. With 3 BCS championships in 6 years and another one probably on the way that’s almost as many bitches as they got on The View.

The View

The View

5. Lakers
People don’t seem to hate the Lakers as much as they hate Kobe Bryant.

4. Celtics
People don’t seem to hate Ray Allen, Paul Pierce or Kevin Garnett as much as they hate the Celtics.

3. Notre Dame football
One championship since 1978 and they still get a free pass into a BCS bowl game with a mediocre season and a creampuff schedule simply because a bunch of Catholics don’t know who to root for. Nor are they aware that Boston College exists. Haters like to point out that “history is not going to walk out onto that field and throw a block.”

If gays and altar boys formed a football team we’d have quite a rivalry going.

2. New York Yankees
Another victim of their historical success, and their 250 kagillion dollar payroll, inflated media attention and unending number of people who hated NYC so much they moved away yet still wear that hat so they can identify with something infinitely cooler than the fucking shit-hole town they currently call home.

1. Dallas Cowboys
Probably has the biggest pro-sports fan base and consequently the largest base of haters just because so many other people around the country like them. The ultimate schadenfreude team in sports.

You sure these cheerleaders aren't from L.A.?

You sure these cheerleaders aren't from L.A.?

“Lots of people like the Cowboys. I do not like what lots of people like. Therefore, I hate the Cowboys. And American Idol. And Justin Timbergay. And Twilight. But that was a shitty movie anyway. What the fuck is wrong with all these stupid girls?”

Everythings big in Texas. Including our boners.

Everythings big in Texas. Including our boners.

Lane Kiffen (new football coach, Univ. of Tennessee Volunteers)
Not a team but his Haterade score is incredibly high. After leading the Raiders to a 5-15 record he was awarded one of the plum jobs in the sport. He’s accused coaches of cheating, insults entire towns and generally acts like an ass. And he hasn’t coached a game yet.

The only thing worse than a cocky jerk is a cocky jerk who hasn’t done anything to be cocky about. The only thing worst than that is a cocky jerk who hasn’t done anything yet AND was promoted after failure. The only thing worse than THAT is a cocky jerk who hasn’t done anything yet, was promoted after failure AND has a hot wife.

Lane Kiffen and wife, Layla. The very definition of hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

Lane Kiffen and wife, Layla. The very definition of hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

Contrast with…

Steve Spurrier (football coach at Univ. of South Carolina)
The USC Gamecocks are mediocre so the hate’s been subdued as of late. But when Spurrier led the Florida Gators to 6 SEC titles, a national championship and a .817 winning percentage against arguably the toughest schedule in the country over a 12-year span he was quick with the one-liners.

After a football player scandal involving the store The Footlocker he called FSU “Free Shoes University.” When a fire at Auburn burned 20 books he said “the real tragedy is 15 books hadn’t even been colored in yet.” What opponents hated most was that he beat their asses so often after 12 years he actually got bored of it and quit.

New England Patriots
Lots of people hate them because they won 3 Superbowls in 4 years, their coach seems like a grumpy cheater and their quarterback is a supermodel-marrying pretty boy who’s actually really good. We hate them because who the hell names a team, not after a city, but after a group of states?

“This week the Bible Belt Billy Joe Bobs take on the Rocky Mountain Oysters!”

Boston Red Sox
Hmm. Boston theme running here. New York Yankees fans hate them so that’s already half the baseball fans in America. Plus, have you ever made love to a girl from Bahston? “Oh gaahd oh gaahd oh gaddh faahck me wit dat big cahhck oh muthafahcking gaahhd!!!”

Tim Tebow/Urban Meyer/Florida Gators
Hater team in-waiting. Tim Tebow’s a genuinely good kid. But in this, his senior year and defending a national title, and possibly going for a 2nd Heisman trophy, haters will hear, see and read so much about him they’ll realize that the XX Beer Most Interesting Man In The World commercials are actually about Tim Tebow as an old man.

Florida Gator alumna, Erin Andrews. She's looking at you. And only you.

Florida Gator alumna, Erin Andrews. She's looking at you. And only you.

If the Gators win 3 championships in 4 years the haters will start to cry about how the basketball team hasn’t won a championship since…2007. Losers. If things play out then they might reach the BCS Championship in the Rose Bowl to play against another most hated-team in the America…

USC Trojans football team
Pretty boy campus studs. Haters say they have a weak schedule and are still over-hyped due to 1.5 championships they won 5 years ago. Trojans say they’ve beaten top 10 teams each season such as Cal or OSU. SEC fans say call us when you play that team 8 times a year.

Beloved around the word. Beloved by 7 year olds in the U.S. Yeah, we know people can’t name 3 hockey teams. But we can’t even think of the name of the pro soccer league. If its still around. You know a sport gets no love when you mention the words “soccer player” and the first thing you think of is “Yo, tell me what you want, what you really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want…”

That’s the Power of Thrust most hated sports teams list. Agree? Disagree? Pissed off? What are yours?????


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